When Society Puts You In a Box

Looking in the mirror I don't see anything out of the ordinary. Green eyes, fair skin, brown hair. I don't try to break any molds but I don't try to fit in a box either. Reading Nayer's chapters 3 and 4 was more self-reflective than anything. I read those chapters and reflected on myself since that is the only true opinion I can represent. I found in the bodies chapter (chapter 3) I had become a subject of body modification. By straightening my hair, wearing makeup, piercing my ears and even opting to add a corset into my wedding dress I have subjected myself to society's idea of beautiful. In chapter 4 (subcultures) I found myself trying to identify the subcultures that I am a member of. And then a subculture of mine was flashed onto the TV screen as the object of a new reality show. Wake up call indeed.

Body Modification, or the extreme version, is newer to American culture than other cultures but it has been around since the beginning of time. Tribal cultures have used tattoos and piercings to signify beauty, power, and social stature for hundreds of years.

The Maori tribe has used the art form of tattooing to signify beauty and self expression. The maori were discovered in 1642 and most of the tribe had permanent markings then.

The Kayan people of Asia as well as the South Ndebele peoples of African have a culture where women are made to wear neck rings. For the Kayan it is a signifier of beauty and grace and a tradition that starts at the age of 2. The Ndebele people start to practice this cultural norm when a women gets married to signify her transition into a life of her  own.

This woman from Mexico has been deemed the Vampire woman. She has modified her body so much that she looks supernatural. Her reasonings are humble and her artwork is a sign of her independence. Her appearance is the only thing defying what we would percieve as a housewife. 

With the inception of digitization in our culture other aspects besides our physical bodies have changed.  In the medical field treatments and protocols have been revolutionized by digital technologies. Now, simple surgeries have become transhuman. They've bypassed the need for a surgeon's skilled hands and now only need someone who can maneuver a robot remote. This is what they call "minimally invasive." Today, a doctor can remove your gallbladder with only 35% risk and only 2 tiny scars (smaller than a dime) IN UNDER 30 MINUTES! And then it can be posted on YouTube for the hospital to market their skill and precision. 

Don't watch this but do notice that the entire video length is 22:35 and that includes the patient leaving the operating room.

Not only has society and technology deemed how you should look and physically operate, but they have played a hand in how, and with who, you should mentally identify yourself. Subcultures are the smaller cultures that operate within a larger culture as part of society. Subcultures identify separately but could not function without each other and make the larger culture what it is. In Laymen's terms they are the individual spices that make the pot of chili what it is. 

Cyber cultures, such as bloggers and youtubers, are separate but equal and in some instances one could not exist without the other. Other social media sites offer subcultures of their own such as Chatroulette and Flickr. They have their own users and celebrities who someone outside the culture would not be privy to understand.

I don't find myself subscribing to any particular cyber culture apart from social media. The only site I feel particularly invested in is Pinterest because I actually participate alongside other users. Coming in a close second would be Twitter. I love twitter, but don't use it as often as Pinterest. I don't use any other site on the regular that I could be considered a "member" of. Of course, I have a Facebook profile but I don't use it to it's full capacity. I rarely post statuses or post on other people's walls.

Society is interesting. We spend our entire lives trying to be "ourselves" and not be defined by something other than our unique personalities. However, our lifestyles are so plugged in that it is almost impossible to be away from what the world has to offer. We steer away from the boxes that society has provided for us but often the boxes we put ourselves into have been crafted by society by default. 

Your Inner Mean Girl.

Sometimes I honestly think you need to have a license before you are allowed online. That's right, I think we need to treat the internet like public roadways. Just like when you get into a car you become a threat to any other driver's physical being, when you get online you have the potential to be a threat to some other user's emotional wellbeing.

The 2004 film Mean Girls is pretty much the most generalized, stereotypical portrayal of american high schools to ever hit cinema screens. But it is also probably the most truthful. There are many lessons and slants you can take on the film's content but probably the most evident is the facade that high school students will put on just to get you to like them, and then how they really feel. To cause harm, all a high school girl really needs are her words. But technology has provided tools to turn even the nicest girl into a reputation assassin. Enter Cady Heron/Lindsay Lohan. 

Cady Heron is the main character. Cady grew up in an African village where her parents worked to provide better medical care and education. They moved back to the US so that Cady could attend public high school to prepare for college. Cady, not equipped with the social map required to navigate the school halls, gets sucked into the world of cliques and is tricked into being a spy for the outcasts and is sent into the world of popular girls. In the span of 97 minutes Cady loses the line between spy life and real life, reaches her social climax and rock bottom, wins prom queen, and then restores social harmony to the high school. 

Now to a certain extent the storyline was dramatized by hollywood for effect. High Schools aren't the blatant first world equivalent to an African lion feeding frenzy, but when you're fake Myspace facade is up, they can certainly feel that way. That's what Sherry Turkle's interviewees in Chapter 13 are talking about. The need to be liked, the want to be wanted is overwhelming and sometimes the only plausible way to find out the truth from someone else is to be fake because you know that you're not being upfront with your true feelings either. 

Turkle also brings up the aspect of online privacy & safety. Basically when you're online and find yourself looking through a profile and you've never had a personal interaction with it's owner you're stalking. We're all human therefore we're all curious. I don't know anybody who has the self control to not investigate an interesting person who leaves a comment on your friend's picture. Turkle interviews a  17 year old who says stalking is "the worst. Normal, but creepy." I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm not proud of those little curious moments that get the best of me but everybody does it!

True life: A good amount of us would probably admit to wanting this shirt. 

Just the other day I was chatting with the Mom of the kids I watch and she made the comment, "How did our parents ever raise us without Smart Phones." At first I almost felt defeated like the way we care for today's kids is less adequate than how our parents parented. But then I self-soothed by telling myself, "I would have never been able to go to that meeting if I hadn't kept them entertained with Temple Run 2!!" And let's face it: Kids don't know the difference. They live in a world where smart phones and iPads are their reality. They don't remember being told to play outside all day and don't come back in until dinner. All kids remember is the iPhone 3Gs. What a dinosaur!! 

Watching this really makes me want to ask the question, "Is Bridger really a baby tech genius or is he just predestined to enter into a world of tablets and apps?" For kids, the new generation, they speak a hybrid language of their geographical dialect mixed with technology. Never once has the 5 year old that I keep asked me a question about his iPad. But my Grandparents can barely turn their new laptop on. Sidenote: If you don't watch any of these video PLEASE watch this next one. 

The generational gap between the oldies (Senior citizens) and the newbies (Babies/Kids) is one of the biggest we've ever seen. Made to seem even larger because there is no smooth transition between the two. Hanging out with a church youth group is an experience in itself. I'm 21 and being around 16 year olds has made me feel straight up old. How they communicate is insanely different than how I communicated when I was in their shoes 5 years ago. Instagrams and tweets are more commonplace than texts. It's how they establish what they are doing and who they are with. It's even the language in which they flirt. In 20 years, the classic love stories our Grandparents tell will be obsolete and all the great romances will begin with a "poke." Personally, I'm a slightly proud that my love story does not include tweets and IMs and is more reminiscent of an old RomCom. 

Insecurity Purging and Word Vomiting

I can't say that the world of online gaming is one that I'm familiar with. It's one of the few places of travel that is not on my bucket list. It's not that I don't like it, but it's simply because I do not understand it. However, I am fascinated by it.

Chapter 11 of Sherry Turkle's book, Alone Together, introduces the reader to the world of Second Life.

Notice how this narrator characterizes this simulation as "historical" because it was filmed in 2006. In the real life, a house built in 2006 is still characterized as *New* in the real estate world. Turkle introduces us to a few subjects who have built second lives. One, Joel (SL, Rashi), is an insecure 26 year old in real life. In Second Life Joel is a purple, tiny elephant who is also a public figure known for his kind demeanor and cyber gaming wisdom. Joel's mental line between Second life and real life is very clear although fine. He justifies his avatar by affirming that his Second Life has become a self-esteem supplement to his real life. Joel uses the Second Life game to practice his leadership skills in a cyber setting so he can translate them to a physical setting when given the chance. He sees his participation as practical yet entertaining. He doesn't delve in to replace his real life as some people do. 

The Second Life online newspaper offers an advice column to help users meander through the second life world and to cope with the problems of maintaining a first life and second life. "Bella, the Wise" is the advisor and her posts with the tags "addict", "fired" and "relationship" far outnumber the posts with tags like "events". In a column titled "SL has ruined my life!", a reader complains of their addiction to Second Life and how their real life relationship is suffering because of it. The reader writes that he has been fired from their real life job for sneaking a 'SL fix' during work hours. The reader goes on to explain that even though their real life is hanging in the balance they can't find the emotional energy to care because he views the recent unemployment as just more time for gaming. 

I would view this particular request for help as more of a cry for help. The reader is blatantly admitting that there is a problem, a mental disconnect. A therapist would take this opportunity to help "outta work and don't care" to rationalize his thoughts and even seek further help. Bella, the advice giver, goes the opposite direction. She welcomes him to the rather large club of people with ruined first lives due to second life and then proposes a series of boundaries and a regimen of self-control. But before that advice she does recommend a job without a computer (i.e. factory worker, janitor...) would probably be the best bet.

Truthfully, I'm a little put off by Bella's response. I'm all for bettering oneself when you can. I thought her advice was more enabling than helping. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we? Second Life can be very real and cause real problems and real addictions. A heroin addict would be fired for using on the job, and probably asked to go to rehab by his/her family and loved ones. I see no difference between the two other than one addiction is more conventional than the other. Bella also advises dealing with the issue privately and not involve his wife. Most marital counselors would advise against this strategy and would promote being upfront, honest, and vulnerable. A component that Turkle discusses in this chapter is betrayal. Usually, this word is used in context pertaining to gamer v. gamer. But it is evident, and well known, that this betrayal exceeds beyond the game and affects people who have chosen not to live a second life. 

Where the internet can be a place to create a new life, it can also be a place to deal with your current life. People feel the ability to be a true version of themselves when a computer screen is acting as a harbor. Chapter 12 of Turkle's book approaches the subject of people just being people. Not different people, but themselves uncensored and unbarred. 

PostSecret is an online forum where secrets are published one a week. Frank, the site creator, picks from thousands of secrets sent to him every week. He publishes them on Sunday as sort of a symbolic way of starting the new week clean of guilt. The site has become viral. He speaks to universities -arenas- of people explaining to them that guilt and regret can eat you alive. He sends a message that allowing yourself to release your secrets can be liberating and open your eyes to a brighter life. Secrets can be about anything.

Guilty pleasures...

Intimate thoughts...

And a general hope in people...

I was first introduced to PostSecret in high school. I fell in love with the simple honesty the blog offered. The dialogue was always sincere and supportive, the layout was very clear, this isn't a stunt to make money. It's a genuine place for people to be themselves and it went viral. PostSecret allows itself to grow on the premise that they are helping people. 4 books and numerous speaking engagements later, Frank is still posting secrets every Sunday and now has a chapter in a book about being alone together. 

The truth is that many of these confessional sites, like FML and GMH, are all about being alone together. So many of the secrets posted deal with posters feeing lonely or inadequate seeking a support community. Often it's easier to post our feelings in a place where nobody we know can identify them as our own. Using our computer screens as a buffer from the real world has become a virtual trend. These confessions aren't generic. A lot of them should be said to somebody's face, but the reality of our society is that we're defensive. The next best thing is to get our confessions out in the open for somebody, anybody, to read them.