Ch. 9: Together through Cell Phone Service and Through Wi-Fi

It seems silly once you sit and think about it. The relationship we have with our phones. In all honesty, at the heart of the problem, our phones are our better-half. They answer our questions, connect us with others, keep us informed, and help us feel secure. What we go through to keep that phone close to us is absolutely ridiculous and I am no exception.

The very first page of Ch. 9 could be the Surgeon General's warning on the box of all technology. Turkle talks to kids who admit to having attachment issues with their phones. Kids feeling anxiety when not able to respond ASAP to a buzz or a beep. Kids walking into walls so they don't have to go a second not looking at their screens. One kid even complains of a chipped tooth. What are we willing to risk to connect? Our wellbeing?

When Turkle asks a group of teenagers when was the last time you felt like having no interruptions? She gets no responses, except for one: "An interruption is the beginning of a connection." But what about the connection in front of you? It seems to be that the rules of engagement for people (i.e. common courtesy) are changing:

1. It's okay to have your phone out on the dinner table when dining with other people. 
2. It's okay to look at a text message when someone is speaking to you. And answer it.
3. It's okay to answer the phone when it rings but only to say, "Can I call you back?"
4. It's okay to answer the phone and talk loudly in a public place.
5. It's okay to have your favorite song as your really loud ring tone. Especially in a quiet place (Movies, library, church).

Just kidding. It's not okay to do any of that stuff. Our mothers have raised us better than that. But we still tolerate it because we know we're guilty of the same social misdemeanors.

I remember when kids my age started getting their phones. The trend in my area was that you got your cell phone at age 15-16 for driving purposes. Phones were relative to safety. That was only 6 years ago.  Today, kids getting phones are in elementary and middle school. Today, phones aren't safety tools, they are social tools. Kids don't view them as necessary in the same fashion we did growing up. Parents complain about their kids screening calls, choosing not to answer because their phone is crucial to their social life. Not their physical life. Parents don't have a place in kids' social lives. Parents are left to wonder if their kid is safe. After all, a car crash that prevents a call from being answered and the child screening the calls looks the same to a parent on the other end of the line. My first phone came with a list of conditions:

• You have 500 minutes. Don't go over.
• You have 1000 texts. Don't go over.
• I call, you answer. No exceptions.
• The phone is turned off and in the kitchen at 10:00pm every night.
• I reserve the right to look at anything on that phone whenever I want. 
• If you break it you're buying the next one. 

And to me, those conditions seemed reasonable and I followed them. I knew that the social aspect of the phone was a privilege. These days the fights I had with my parents over math homework are probably comparable, if not worse, than those being had over technology. My Aunt has a good rule with her 16 year old daughter, "If you can't respect privacy (i.e. being responsible with your private text messages and phone calls), you don't deserve privacy." The consequence for breaking this rule results in taking away her daughter's bed room door for an undisclosed amount of time. Of course Julia is not excited about that rule or happy it is in place, but she hasn't broken it lately. She's got a bad taste in the mouth about how her parents feel like they have this "authority" over her stuff even though her parents bought it.

There is a correlation between how much technology a child uses and their interpersonal behavior.

 Has having instant access to everybody at anytime make us ungrateful for the relationships we do have? I think so. In the chapter, Turkle, speaks to some young girls about their emotional crisis' and how they handle it. Always, the first reaction is to text somebody an invite to your personal pity party. If that person declines, you send the invite to the next person on your contact list. The more the merrier! And definitely avoid personal reflection and feeling of the emotions at all costs. The more distractions the better for dealing with drama trauma. Any certified therapist will tell you that...